garmana::blog

Fools tired of just one day in th

BLOOMINGTON, IL (AP) - For some, today is nothing but harmless fun: itching powder in your brother's socks, saran wrap on the toilet seat, or the local radio station cover the story of the alligator that escaped from the zoo. But for others, it's a sullen reminder that there is just one day out of the entire year that they earn any respect from friends, family, and co-workers.

You know them. We all know at least two or three.

They are the fools.

Hearing the increasing rumbling over the past two weeks as April 1 approached, we combed the streets to find out firsthand how our beloved fools are hit by this seemingly unfair slam on their stupidity. We found Herman Brinkleschnitzer wandering around a grocery store parking lot unable to find his car and asked him a few questions. "Oh, sure it's disheartening, but you get used to it. Just last week I tried to open a can of frozen juice concentrate with a can opener and everyone just laughed at me. Last week I was the butt of their jokes, but on April first I would have been king for a day. I don't get it."

Sally Bottacellitortellini agreed. "May is National Bike Month. There is a Sleep Awareness Week, and correct posture even gets a week of its own. I am one of millions. Why give people like us only a day?" In frustration she took the last sip of her soda, pulled off the tab and flipped it defiantly into the trash, and dropped the can into the "Cans only please" recycling bin.

This concern may seem like the kind of phenomenon that are becoming increasingly familiar in our politically correct, victim-oriented society, but surprisingly this is not a new issue. A 1771 edition of the Boston Truth describes how an organized group of fools banded together to march the courthouse square and demand consistent recognition. They got lost between the pub and the courthouse, which was only a three block walk, and when they realized that they had walked all the way to nearby Medford they quietly disbanded.

Their spirit is still alive and well today. We found people walking on Constitution Trail all too eager to share that group's sentiments. "Why honor my husband on just one day?" asked Vera Westingshack. "He's a moron 365, 24 7." Her walking partner Peggy, was quick to back that up. "Just last week he was complaining about the warm weather and wanted to enjoy watching one last snowfall. He took the snow blower up on the roof and kept dumping bags of ice into the blades. The idiot shot ice all over the back yard and broke a neighbor's window before he gave up. Don't ask me how he was smart enough to get the snow blower up there in the first place." Others related stories of being ignored outside of their special day, getting picked last for kickball as children, or even marking every day in April as "1" in their calendars to make themselves feel better.

After hearing his name from multiple people as the quintessential fool, we tracked down Carl Bumblefoot and asked him his thoughts. "April Fool's Day? I don't really recognize that. I'm no fool." Confused, we told him Herman's story about trying to open the frozen organge juice can with a can opener and asked him if he could relate. "What a dummy," he laughed. "He obviously didn't defrost it first."

Our apologies, Carl.